Actually writing a blog post on my blog….
It’s a little past 2 am and I’m wide awake with me, myself, my iPad & my thoughts. I don’t really know what I’m going to write about but I feel like this post will be long.
As of lately I’ve been putting a lot of things into perspective…. My life, my career, the people around me, the people I’ve cut off…. I’m happy with 97% of the choices that I make but that 3%…. That 3% is that shit that gets to me. I detest being unclear. I know I don’t know it all but I like to have a solid knowledge about everything going on around me….. When I feel like I don’t have my life and everything about my life under control shit gets hectic in my head.
Lately I’ve been doubting this whole modeling thing. It’s my passion, it’s what I love to do but it’s so not me. I’m that girl with no makeup on and whatever the fuck I feel like wearing. This industry is a bitch and I wonder if I’m supposed to even be a part of it. I’ll probably get back to that later… Scatterbrain.
Emotions are something crazy to me. I feel like I cried them all out in my last relationship and now I can’t even muster up a tear for anything if I tried. And it’s not even on no emo shit but I learned that sometimes I just need a good cry to feel better. Tears aren’t necessarily a sign of sadness or weakness. It can be a release just like busting a nut is a release…. I never thought I’d feel this way because I took a liking to the walls i built up over the years, but I miss FEELING. Shit just IS to me these days. I feel like a heartless bastard but fuck it. It is what it is.
I’ve really grown into the person I’ve become. I’m much more comfortable with myself because I know myself a lot better, but I still sit back in amazement sometimes as if I’m watching my life from the outside looking in. I’ve been through it all and then some but you’d never know it. The people closest to me don’t even know the half. I keep shit to myself because you never know what’s going through someone’s mind or coming out of their mouth once you part…. I don’t trust shit.
I have issues, never denied that. Never will. But I keep that shit cute, I keep my problems out of the faces of others and I keep it pushin.
I haven’t been smoking weed much lately.
I don’t see myself in a relationship or anything like it for at least 3 or 4 years. If you read this and then see me talmbout my new boo in the near future feel free to call me out.
I say that like anyone will be insane enough to read this…. If you are reading this, jk you’re not the insane one, I am.
I’ve encountered some bad blood with some folks and I wish them nothing but growth. I wish them a stroll down a more righteous path. I’ve done dirt, we all have but I began reevaluating things when Karma continuously came around and roundhoused me in the ass. A few swift ass kicks later I’ve learned my lesson. Hopefully the people who haven’t learned will pick it up eventually. I don’t wish bad on anyone.
The universe has been speaking to me heavily and who am I to ignore it?
I puts up with no bullshit. I am a firecracker but now instead of letting every little thing ignite my dynamite I pick my battles. I’ve been exercising the power of IGNORING. It takes so much less energy to just shrug your shoulders and say ‘fuck it,’ and move on. What does causing a scene and a ruckus do? Not a damn thing.
Well I’ve finally written myself to a sort of sleepy place.
Paix & Goodnight,